I know I haven’t updated this in a few days, sorry.
Just going through a little “funk”. Just been really down about my weight and my body.
I’ve been in this mindset “You’ll never do this, you’ll still be fat and ugly… you’re not strong enough to actually stick to it”
I was doing amazing on my eating, then it seemed like one night ruined it all. Last night that is. I was keeping my calories in check and eating clean foods… then my parents brought home some burgers, onion rings, turkey clubs, garlic toast and ice cream.
I ATE SO MUCH. I know I could have been like “Oh no, You don’t need it just go do something to get your mind off it” But now I binged, I stuffed my face full of food. I felt nasty after that.
Then today I was telling myself to not stress out over that, it was just one night. I had my eating on track, then 8 rolled around and i stuffed my face again. I feel bloated and sick to my stomach.
I’m completely hating myself right now.
I hate my fat
I hate not being able to fit into 90% of clothes
I hate my stretch marks they’re EVERYWHERE. They cover probably 80% of my body, I’ll never be able to wear a bikini, tank tops, shorts, strapless dresses.. I won’t even be able to wear a cute wedding dress because they cover my back, shoulders and all the way down my arms.
I hate my cellulite
I hate looking in the mirror and seeing this fat face and fat body starring back at me
I hate wearing only sweatpants and sweatshirts because jeans, casual and dressy pants do not fit me at all no matter what the size is, and sweatshirts are the only thing that hide my double stomach.
I hate only being able to wear sports bras because if i wear a normal bra my fat hangs over and I look like I have rolls allllll the way down my back.
I hate being over 300 pounds….
I hate being laughed at in public, or getting dirty looks “She’s huge!”
I hate this body..
I need to get my head on straight again :(